


Making Whoopee

by tisziny



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Caught in the Act, F/M, walked in on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-03-31 14:25:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3981412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisziny/pseuds/tisziny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Phryne enjoy a bit of tickle. They grind each others coffee and ball the jack. They mattress jig and tongue lap and go downtown, boil each other's cabbage and tear off a piece. Love up, snizzle, nip, jazz and jive. They lay up with and stay with, do the trick of the loop and deliver the goods. A piccolo-player and a deep sea diver, these two really go the limit.</p><p>And sometimes they get caught.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pearl Diving

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KaleRider](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaleRider/gifts).



> an idea I've had floating around in my head for a few weeks and only recently written.
> 
> I found these two timelines of slang very useful in the naming the chapters and the fic, and of course writing the summary.  
> http://timeglider.com/timeline/962856e2d593150e  
> http://timeglider.com/timeline/4a29b5e38116bfcb

Sunlight was just beginning to filter through the curtains of Wardlow’s master bedroom. It was an early Saturday morning, and usually spent relaxedly in bed, preferably still asleep. Today, however, the occupant of the room was unusually and happily wide awake.

Phryne moaned. Loudly. 

Jack had _stayed the night_ more than a few times now, but the intensity of his touch still took her by storm. And waking up to his kisses, his exploring hands, well there was nothing quite as lovely, she thought.

She was naked -having fallen asleep that way- and laid out across her bed with the duvet and coverlet long since discarded to the floor, and Jack kneeling over her. He -as he had insisted on being each night he stayed- was dressed in fine silk pyjamas. His lips were currently at her neck, sucking a path along her skin, and Phryne arched beneath him. Her fingers clawed at the buttons of his shirt, fumbling with them until giving up and pulling the fabric up so she could touch the muscles of his chest beneath. 

Jack chuckled, leaning back so he could remove the shirt himself before bending over her once more, and capturing her lips in a kiss. Phryne clutched at him and gasped into his mouth as one of his hands trailed down her side, his fingers brushing against her breast and waist before following her hip bone and delving down between her legs.

He smirked against her lips, finding her wet beneath his touch. Her head fell back, their kiss breaking as another moan escaped her. Jack lowered his mouth, kissing down her neck once more. He reached her collarbone and licked at her skin, his fingers crooking inside her and starting a slow pumping rhythm.

“Ohh,” Phryne sighed, “Yes darling, yes.”

Jack moved lower, kissing down her sternum before shifting to the left and taking her breast between his lips. He sucked gently on her nipple, tracing it in circles with his tongue as her fingers grasped his hair.

“Do you like that?” He asked smugly, blowing cooly over her nipple and watching as it pebbled.

Phryne hummed her agreement, pulling him back to her chest as he chuckled.

He showered each breast in his attention for a few minutes, then continued down. Phryne felt her body quiver as Jack’s lips brushed over her stomach, and her breath caught completely when he removed his fingers from between her legs, looked up to meet her eye, and sucked the digits into his mouth.

Her thighs fell apart without a second thought, welcoming him as Jack carefully lowered himself to kneel on the floor.

He grasped her on the underside of each knee and pulled her further down the bed until her backside sat against the very edge of the mattress. With a smile he swung each of her legs over his shoulders, tilted his head and kissed his way along her thighs.

As his lips found her centre Phryne whimpered. She reached down and buried her fingers once more thorough his thick hair, grasping tight as he began to lick and kiss her in the most generous of ways.

With one hand he caressed his way back up her body, pinching her nipple briefly then continuing up until he found her lips. Phryne opened them under his touch, sucking at the pads of his fingers as she moaned. She could taste herself on them.

Jack loved this. He loved the taste of her, the smell of her, the feel of her beneath his tongue. He liked the way she shuddered so perfectly, and moaned so melodically. She stroked her tongue over his fingers, and in return he licked up to her clit, suckling it gently before dipping lower once more.

Phryne moaned, her thighs clenching around Jack’s ears as he brought her closer and closer to her peak.

As Jack continued to lick and tease her, Phryne saw stars forming behind her eyes. Her head fell back and Jack’s fingers slid back down her body so he could hold her tight around each thigh. He knew she was close, and he wanted to send her flying.

Her hips began to stutter, her fingers clenched into fists in Jack’s hair. Her breath came in pants and she gasped his name like a curse. The door opened, but Phryne barely registered the noise, she was so so close, just out of reach….

In the doorway Dot gave a small scream, her hands clasping over her mouth as she jumped back.

Phryne’s eyes flew open, and she saw her, the poor girl frozen in the doorway with eyes as wide as dinnerplates. But she couldn’t stop it now. She was too far gone.

Jack, pleasantly unaware of their audience and rather preoccupied, suckled on Phryne’s clit and with a jerk and a yell Phryne shattered.

“ _AHh, Jack!_ ”

Dorothy watched as her mistress shook with invisible force; her neck arched back as far as it could go, her hips stuttering as cries fell from her open lips. It was terrifying, she thought, such jerking movements and colourful language, each breath heaving painfully through her lungs. Just as suddenly as it came it went, and Phryne fell limp onto the bed.

The Inspector stayed for a moment, tiny movements in his jaw causing great jolts through Miss Phryne’s entire body, and suddenly Dot found her feet again. She quickly turned, shutting the door behind her as silently as she could, then with a stomach full of confusing and conflicting emotions she headed toward the kitchen, crossing herself the entire way, and praying with all her heart she would forget the image of the Inspector with his face pressed into Miss Phryne’s… sin.


	2. Face Artist

“Phryne,” Jack murmured, his fingers winding around her small wrists and pushing them away, “We can’t, not here.”

“Why not?” Phryne asked, her hands returning to his waist, rucking up the back of his shirt and slipping under the waistband of his trousers. She pinched his backside and Jack bit back a curse. Damn woman.

“We are in your _kitchen_.” He said instead, eyes closed.

“So?”

“We could be found.”

Phryne chewed her lip. Jack didn’t know about Dorothy’s interruption a few days ago, and when she’d tried to speak to Dot about it, the girl had clamped up and swore that she’d never come to Phryne’s room that morning at all. It was probably better that way.

“No one will find us.” She said eventually, stepping in another inch closer and brushing her nose against his, “Jane’s at school, Mr B is in the city, and Dot’s having afternoon tea with her mother. We’re all alone, Inspector.”

She kissed him softly, pressing her hips forward just enough to know he was as interested in the prospect as she was.

“Phryne…”

She smiled into his mouth, pressing more firmly into his hips, “Jack,” she teased.

“Oh God,” He gave in, and Phryne nipped at his lips in triumph.

Removing her hands from the back of his trousers, she stepped him back to lean against the side of the small table. He stared at her, recognising the hunger in her eye and swallowed. Her hands found the fastenings of his trousers and she undid them quickly, reaching in through the fly of his smalls until she found his hardening length.

He hissed and Phryne smirked, kissing his lips once before lowering carefully to her knees before him.

Jack reached behind him for the edge of the table, gripping tight as below him Phryne stroked his erection, eyeing it proudly. She leant forward, so close he could feel her breath warm on his sensitive skin. Then she opened her painted red lips and Jack’s grip doubled, her mouth warm and inviting.

She hummed happily, her eyes meeting his and sparkling mischievously as he groaned.

“Phryne,” he panted, and her head bobbed, sucking him deeper.

She gripped the base of his cock with one hand as she went, finding a rhythm in her movements, her other hand reaching for one of his and pulling his fingers free of the table. She brought it to her head, and he brushed back her fringe, holding her head gently.

Phryne pulled back, so just the tip of his cock sat on her tongue, and she smiled around it, sucking it slowly and carefully until it fell from her lips.

“You don’t have to hold back, darling.”

Jack shook his head minutely, “I think I rather do, if you want this to last much longer.”

She smirked, “Who says it has to last?” she asked innocently, “You can more than make it up to me, perhaps with a bath?” and she licked at his very tip before sucking him back down into her mouth.

Jack cursed, his fingers now gripping into her black hair. He was damn close, had been since the moment she knelt to the ground. Phryne hummed around him, she knew what this did to him. It took all his restraint not to buck into her touch, as much as she had assured him in the past that she didn’t mind, he hated to choke her.

Her tongue began to stroke him from underneath with each suck, her hand dipping into his trousers and smalls until she found his testicles. Jack groaned.

“Phryne,” he panted, staring down at her, “Phryne, I’m going to-”

She gave the slightest of nods, clenching her free hand into a fist as with a half stifled cry Jack came.

Phryne swallowed, gently slipping his cock from her lips. She tucked him back in and refastened his trousers before pulling herself to stand. She kissed him softly, and spent, Jack closed his eyes and dipped his head to rest in the crook of her neck. Phryne smiled as she held him close. But it was short lived, replaced by some horror as she saw on the other side of the room Bert and Cec standing gobsmacked in the back door.

“Jack,” she said, her voice suddenly high, “Why don’t you go and start that bath for me, darling?”

Jack lifted his head and frowned at her slightly.

“Please? I’ll follow you up in a minute I just need to… refresh myself.”

Eventually Jack nodded, and Phryne stepped aside to let him stride slowly from the room. The moment she heard his footsteps on the the stairs she rounded to the door.

“How long were you two there?” she demanded in a whisper.

Bert stared at her, cigarette hanging forgotten between his teeth. Cec found his voice first.

“Uh, couple’a minutes, Miss.”

She narrowed her gaze at them, “Well then, I know you're both smart enough to know exactly what you saw, but if either of you bring this up I’ll have your guts for garters. He can never know you saw that. Now go away and we can all just forget this ever happened.”


	3. A Bit Of Cuff

Phryne gasped, Jack’s mouth hot on her neck.

They had snuck away from the dining and dancing downstairs to an empty room near the back of the house. Well, Jack had excused himself, and Phryne had followed. Then he had grabbed her sharply by the wrist and pulled her through the nearest door. His hands hadn’t left her body since.

Currently they were trailing down her sides, over her hips and along her thighs, grasping the fabric of her dress and starting to pull it up. Phryne smiled to the ceiling, her own hands gripping the back of Jack’s neck. She pulled his lips back to hers and dragged him further into the room.

They stumbled into the side of an armchair, and with her dress gathered around her waist Phryne perched on the closest arm. Jack smirked into her mouth, his hands grasping her legs and winding them around his waist as he pushed forward and kissed her harder.

“ _Jackkk_ ,” she sighed, “What’s got into you tonight?”

He chuckled, “I believe it was your hand in my trouser pocket for the majority of our dinner, Miss Fisher.”

The corner of Phryne’s lip twitched upward, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Inspector.”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” he growled, one of his hands sliding up the inside of her leg and rubbing her firmly through her tap pants.

Phryne gasped at his boldness. She had thought they might share some heated kisses away from prying eyes, she hadn’t expected that Jack would be up for anything more. She had barely managed to get him to explore romantic actions outside of her bedroom, and here he was mouthing at her neck and pulling off her underwear in someone else's house.

Her knickers fell to the floor and Phryne clutched at the back of Jack’s dinner jacket as his fingers slid over her slick flesh. He sucked at her neck then pulled back, bending down over her to kiss his way along her cleavage. Phryne bucked, reaching down and guiding his fingers to her clitoris with a pleading little moan.

He followed her direction, slowly tracing circles around the most precious of pearls.

Her grip tightened, but Phryne couldn’t help but to fall backward into the seat of the armchair, her head hitting the opposite armrest to which she sat. Jack stood over her with a grin, her hips propped up where they sat on one armrest, her neck arched back over the other. He slid his fingers down and pressed two inside her wet warmth, slowly pushing against her walls.

“Oh God,” Phryne murmured, “Oh Jack.”

Rubbing himself through his trousers with his spare hand Jack picked up his speed, adding a third finger as he went, feeling Phryne grow wetter. She was so gorgeous like this, splayed out before him, gasping his name and writhing as pleasure washed through her. And with her hips tilted just so he could easily reach that spot inside her that made her see the stars.

Feeling the draw of orgasm pull her close, Phryne’s legs fell wider. The fingers of her right hand reached for her breast, squeezing the flesh over the fabric of her dress and pinching her straining nipple as her left hand travelled south. She began to rub her clit, and Jack groaned at the sight. 

He slipped his fingers from her and she whined at the loss of his touch, her own fingers working faster as Jack unfastened the front of his trousers and pulled his erection free. He reached for her thighs, grasping both her legs tight and holding them up around his hips so that his erection slid over her wetness. 

Jack groaned, his hips started to thrust, rubbing his cock over her labia and against her fingers and her clit until with a cry Phryne was coming, her toes curling in her Mary Jane shoes.

She slumped, but Jack did not stop his movements. Phryne’s body jolted in sharp aftershocks as he continued to thrust against her and she moaned in loud gasps, her hand coming down to take hold of his penis. Jack swore, and thrust faster into her hand and against her slick warmth. His grip tightened around her thighs and shuddering into her touch he came, spilling his seed across her fingers and stomach.

It took Jack a few minutes to regain himself, but after a moment he stepped back, Phryne’s thighs slipping from his waist, both their chests heaving with each breath.

She held her hands out stretched for Jack to pull her up and he did so, then cupped her cheek gently and kissed her.

“We should return to the party.” he murmured in a low voice.

“Mm, they probably will have noticed our departure by now.” She agreed, “But I don’t think I’m exactly fit for company…”

They both glanced down smear of ejaculate across her skin and Jack flushed. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her before tucking himself back into his trousers and doing up the fastenings.

“I’ll meet you downstairs.”

He turned to the direction of the door and froze. It stood directly across from the armchair where they stood, and was completely open.

“Thank God no one came looking for us.” he said after a moment, looking completely mortified.

Phryne had to look away, absently dabbing at her stomach with his handkerchief and trying desperately not to think about the way Bert hadn’t looked her in the eye since finding her in the kitchen.

She slid from the armrest to the floor and took a few moments to retrieve her knickers and step back into them. Then she adjusted her dress back to rights and fixed her lipstick. Taking a breath she turned to Jack and said;

“Give me a headstart?”

“I always do.”

Phryne smirked, and winked happily before striding across the room and stepping out into the corridor. She closed the door behind her and turned to make her way to the nearest bathroom, only to find herself face to face with her Aunt Prudence.

The older woman looked sternly up at her niece and Phryne felt her stomach drop to her feet.

“Aunt Prudence!” She said quietly, “Shouldn’t you be down at the party?”

“Don’t play silly with me, my girl. I may have turned a blind eye to your unsavoury activities in the past, but this is just too much. That armchair belonged to your grandfather, and I expect you to pay for it to be cleaned. As for the Inspector, well-”

Phryne felt her face flush red. “Aunt P…”

“I do not want to hear any arguments, Phryne. Go and bring yourself together, powder you neck, then come downstairs and say your goodbyes. You’re not fit for pleasant society.”


	4. Wooden Spoon

Jane rubbed her itching eyes with a disappointed sigh. She had really hoped to finish this book tonight, but the clock on her bedside table told her it was well past midnight, and Jane knew she really should sleep in order to do well in her classes tomorrow.

Feeling stubbornly awake however, she knew that sleep would not come easily.

So instead of lying back into her pillows and turning out the lamp as Dot had told her to do some hours ago, Jane sat up and slipped out from under the covers. Her bare feet padded across the large rug that covered the floor and, as quietly as she could, she opened the door and slipped out into the hall.

She navigated the dark with ease, taking the smaller back staircase that lead almost directly to the kitchen.

Without flicking a switch or making a sound Jane found herself a clean glass and the half full bottle of milk from the refrigerating machine. She poured herself some and was about to replace the bottle and return to her bed when she heard a sound.

It was Miss Phryne’s voice, Jane realised after a moment; she must still be entertaining the Inspector.

He had come to dinner, and afterward when Mr Butler had cleared away their plates Phryne had taken him to the parlour and Jane had moved upstairs to her book.

Without really thinking about it Jane stood, leaving her glass of milk behind as she padded from the kitchen and through the dining room. The doors to the parlour were open, and light flooded into the entrance way. Jane hid behind the dining room door and peered out.

Miss Phryne was sitting with the Inspector on the chaise. They were as close together as they could possibly be, Jane thought. In fact it was as though they couldn’t bare to part even for a moment.

The Inspector’s hands were at Miss Phryne’s neck, tracing what looked like a small trail of bruises down one side. Miss Phryne sighed and the Inspector pulled her forward until their lips met.

As the couple kissed, Jane saw Miss Phryne’s hands reach for the Inspector’s tie. She pulled the knot free, casting the tie away before her hands moved to the buttons on the Inspector’s waistcoat. Her fingers fumbled clumsily, however, as the Inspector lowered a hand from Miss Phryne’s neck to grasp at her breast.

Jane flushed at the sight and ducked back behind the door. She really should go upstairs she thought. She should have her milk and go to bed - though sleep really did not seem likely anymore.

Biting her lip, curiosity got the better of her. Jane slowly turned and peaked out from behind the door once more.

The Inspector’s jacket had been removed, and it hung over the armrest of the chaise, the sleeves dangling to the floor. His hands were on both of Miss Phryne’s breasts now, and Jane couldn’t help but stare as he squeezed them.

Jane liked to think of herself as an educated girl. She did well in school, and studied hard. She read all kinds of books, even some Miss Phryne had informed her were technically banned. And on matters of sex, well, Jane was not an idiot. She had been living with Miss Phryne long enough to know that sex was at times pleasurable, and something a woman should be allowed to choose or deny for herself. But she’d never found any interest in it. Reading about the biology of it in her textbooks, or the rather silly tales in that novel by D.H Lawrence, they hadn’t done anything for her other than perhaps make her realise she was perfectly content to wait until she decided to marry.

Even that informative conversation with Miss Phryne a few months ago about boys and love and how her stomach had felt all wobbly around Kip in Queenscliff hadn’t made her want to explore her sexuality. She hadn’t managed to bring herself to even unwrap the hand mirror Miss Phryne had gifted her with.

But now… well. Now she could see Miss Phryne’s hand in the Inspector’s lap. She could see it stroking along the front of his trousers, until something began to from inside them. Long and firm, the educated part of Jane’s mind told her exactly what that was. She knew the biology of a man’s genitalia, she knew that to perform sexual intercourse the man first had to become aroused and erect, but never before had Jane ever seen it.

A loud guttural groan escaped the Inspector’s throat and Jane stifled a squeak, hiding quickly behind the door with wide eyes.

Quickly she retreated, rushing back to the kitchen and stopping only to take her glass of milk from the table. Jane returned to her room and, in effort to clear her mind of what she had just done, she opened her book once more.

Downstairs Jack pulled away from Phryne to frown at her curiously.

“What’s the matter, Phryne?” he asked, stroking her cheek softly.

Phryne tore her eyes away from the dining room door. “What?” she asked, she met Jack’s concerned gaze but quickly dropped it again, “It’s nothing,” she murmured.

Her eyes flickered back to the door over his shoulder, and she felt a slight flush begin to creep along her cheeks.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Jack.” She brought her attention back to him, sliding her hands along his thighs, “Where were we?”

The night drew on and Jane lay in her bed, resolutely ignoring the sounds from the parlour as she forced herself to read her book. She did not stop until she couldn’t keep her eyes open a moment more and when Jack and Phryne retired upstairs, half dressed and sated, it was with a red face that Phryne saw the light still on under Jane’s bedroom door.


	5. Neck or Nookie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final chapter in this delight of voyeuristic adventures, lol. Sorry this chapter was delayed so long. Thanks to Sam and Bec for their advice and for putting up with me _in person_ as I bemoaned being stuck.  
>  x

She really was a bad influence on him, Jack thought, watching as she slowly and deliberately uncrossed and crossed her legs from her place perched on his desk. He swallowed thickly, clearing his throat and trying to focus on the document in his hand. But her presence was all too intoxicating. He blinked stubbornly down at the page, rereading the same line for the fifth time. From the corner of his eye he saw Phryne’s foot begin to jig impatiently in the air next to him.

 

“Phryne,” he warned lowly, still not looking up.

 

“Jack?” He risked a glance to her and saw her expression was carefully crafted into one of innocence. He didn’t trust it for a moment.

 

“Stop that.”

 

“Stop what, Inspector?”

 

“Jerking your foot at me.”

 

Sinful delight lit up her features and she looked sultrily down at him, saying, “I’m not jerking anything _at you_ , Jack.”

 

He rolled his eyes, “You do nothing without a motive Phryne, and I know these motives to be dishonourable ones.”

 

A smirk pulled at her lips. “Dishonourable?!” she delighted, “Do you mean like this, Jack?” And she promptly toed off a patent leather shoe, placing her stocking clad foot high in his lap.

 

Jack could only close his eyes. After a moment -a long and sensual moment- he placed the half read document down on the desk and lowered his hand to her small ankle. He didn’t push her away, instead he caressed her foot and ankle, slid his hand up her calf and slowly back down, fingers trailing along her champagne stocking dangerously.

 

She smiled and Jack leant down. For a moment Phryne’s breath caught, staring at him in surprise as his face drew closer and closer to the inner side of her knee. One hand holding her foot into place Jack reached blindly with his other until his fingers curled around the straps of the discarded shoe on the floor. He lifted the item to his lap, and Phryne let out a soft scoff.

 

Still, she watched him as he undid the clasp and let him slip it over her foot and secure the buckle back into place.

 

“Jack,” Phryne pouted, “you never let me have any fun.”

 

He smirked, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that Phryne.”

 

His chair scraped along the floor as Jack pushed back from the desk. He stood and Phryne watched in some shock as he crossed the room and locked his office door.

 

“Jack?!”

 

“Phryne?” He teased, walking back to his desk and smiling at her smugly.

 

Phryne was struck speechless. Was he really going to give in to her here, with his colleagues all through the building?! To answer her unasked question Jack stepped close, and her knees parted for him automatically, a small sigh escaping her lips as his fingers tilted her chin up to look at him.

 

He smiled, sincerely now, and dipped his head to meet hers in a kiss.

 

******

 

Constable Collins hung up the telephone hurriedly  and clumsily pushed through the swinging door behind the front desk. He stumbled, but recovered and moved quickly to the Inspector’s office.

 

The door was locked and when no answer came to his knocking, Hugh set about searching for his superior elsewhere.

 

But the Inspector was not in the interview rooms or the smoking room or any of the sergeants offices. In fact none of the other men had seen him for some time, he simply wasn’t to be found, and Hugh had even checked the holding cells downstairs.

 

Giving up his search, Hugh decided to simply leave a note for the Inspector’s return.

 

Thinking of the fine fountain pen the Inspector kept on his desk Hugh decided there was really no harm in checking the second door and perhaps writing his note there rather than at the front desk, where he might be distracted from his task by walk in enquiries. He moved toward the Inspector’s office, to the side door, and reached for the handle.

 

It turned, and the door opened. Hugh stepped into the room, a small part of his mind wondering if the stashed tin of biscuits would still be in the bottom drawer, but as he looked to the drawer he found his view obscured by a pair of legs.

 

Frowning, Hugh’s gaze followed the legs up to their owner and almost immediately he froze to the spot.

 

It seemed the Inspector was in his office after all; and so was Miss Fisher.

 

Miss Fisher sat on the edge of the Inspector’s desk, her legs hitched either side of the Inspector’s waist where he stood between them. Hugh could see her knees, her garter! The Inspector himself moved his hand over the bare flesh, and pulled her close, her leg higher and Hugh felt his eyes bulge at the sight.

 

They hadn’t noticed him yet he realised gratefully, their attention focused too intently on each other as they kissed in a way Hugh had only dreamt of (and only after reading the chapter of _that_ book Miss Fisher had given him some months ago).

 

Miss Fisher held the Inspector’s face, cradling it, her fingers trailing through his hair and gripping it, almost like she wished to pull him closer, though they were impossibly close already.

 

Eyes wide, and a little scared of what was about to happen, Hugh swallowed firmly and cleared his throat. This was important after all, a strong new lead in their case.

 

Miss Fisher’s eyes snapped open and the Inspector jerked back from her embrace as if he’d been burnt by her touch. He turned his head quickly with his eyes wide and his lips smudged red with lipstick.

 

His eyes met Collins’ and immediately the older man flushed an extraordinary shade of puce.

 

“Uh- I just got off the phone with Mrs Tanner, Inspector-” Hugh began, looking nervously into the Inspector’s aghast face.

 

Sensing his superior’s embarrassment, as well as his own as he heard Miss Fisher’s heavy panting and caught sight again of her fair legs, Hugh decided it would be best to simply retreat.

 

“I- I can- I’ll tell you in a moment, Inspector. Sorry to, uh- Interrupt- Sir- Miss.” He stuttered, still waiting for some sign of how much trouble he’d put himself in.

 

The Inspector was silent, staring at Hugh with blank horror as the younger man gulped.

 

“Thank you, Hugh,” Phryne said eventually, “Please, if you could give us a moment’s privacy the Inspector and I will be out in a moment to hear what Mrs Tanner told you.”

 

Hugh nodded dumbly, sure his face was beginning to burn red, and he stumbled back retreating hastily.

 

“If you could close the door!” Phryne called, and Hugh had to double back a few steps, almost slamming the door behind himself as he left.

 

Alone again Phryne turned to look at Jack, who was frozen firmly in place.

 

“Jack?” she asked tentatively, “Are you all right?”

 

Jack barely met her eye, his face full of shame. “I-” he stuttered.

 

“Oh darling,” Phryne pressed a hand to either side of Jack’s face, “I’m sorry.”

 

“So am I.” Jack murmured, “I’ve lost the respect of my best man, and when word gets out-.”

 

“I wouldn’t go as far as that, Jack.” Phryne cut him off, “Poor Hugh was of course a little confounded, a proper boy such as himself, but he adores and admires you. He’s not likely to ever mention this again, to _anyone_. Besides which, he and Dot will be married soon, I’m sure he understands the passions of love by now, even if he is still perfectly naive.”

 

“Phryne he just found his superior officer-” He broke off, unable to say the words aloud.

 

“Kissing his lover as she sat upon his desk. Didn’t you see his face, darling? He was embarrassed but hardly mortified. He has no idea what exactly he just saw.”

 

Jack frowned, “Phryne I don’t think-”

 

“ _Jack,_ ” she cut across him again, “you and I are both, to Hugh’s knowledge, completely dressed and enjoying a small intimate moment in the privacy of your office. He may be improving as a detective, but the man is more naive than a dormouse when it comes to matters of the flesh.”

 

“So you think he…”

 

“Has no idea,” Phryne finished. “No idea at all that my knickers are tucked into your pocket or that your trousers are undone and we were- _well_. All Hugh knows is that he found us kissing, nothing more.”

 

Jack sighed deeply, letting his head fall into the crook of Phryne’s neck. She played her fingers through his hair soothingly and again Jack sighed. She really was a bad influence on him, and look what came of it.

 

But perhaps she was right, perhaps his Constable was naive enough to believe he’d found them simply sharing a kiss. He sorely hoped so.

  
“May God have mercy,” He murmured lowly, “I would hate for anyone to discover us making love.”


End file.
